Perimenopause Here I Come

Yes the title speak it all. But first I need to give a little insight on all of this. After giving birth was to my second child I was told to have a tubal because of my seizure disorder. I was told that it was too risky for me to have any more kids and that OB doctor in their right mind would even take me on as a patient if I decided to have kids. So the day I went in for this procedure I told the doctor that I was having some pain and she reassured me that while she was doing the procedure that she would look around. Later on she told my mother and husband that she found nothing. 2 years later the pain returned. I went back to my OB/GYN d.r. and after several tests and nothing was found she decided to do a lap where she found Endometriosis. She said she could not believe that after finding nothing 2 years prior I was covered. She had only given me one option at that point and that was to have a partial Hysterectomy. So that following August that is what I had done. I was told that since I would still have my ovaries that I would not have any symptoms. Wrong! I got hot flashes and other things I wish not to discuss on here. The only good thing that came out of this is My Neurologist thinks that my seizures are hormonal and have been under control for the most part since I have had this done. So a year goes by and nothing. Last July I go to Conv. Care for a UTI and am treated and then start having pain. I have to follow up w/ my primary after that. She decides to run every test in the book and nothing. I am in so much pain by the end of the week I am sent to the ER. They run every test on me and still nothing. Finally I am sent to my OB/GYN who feels like there is not much that she can do. I just leave that clinic all together. I end up establishing with a new primary dr. at a different clinic and she refers me to a new Gyn and I finally saw her in Oct. After talking to her she felt as if my Intermediaries had returned. Me being stupid had not done a lot of research before my Hysterectomy and did not know that if I still had my Ovaries that it could still return. So the decision was made to put me on birth control and go from there. So that was in Oct. By the end of Oct. I was fine and it was working. By the beginning of this month I was miserable. I was having the pain again and it was just as intense. I went back today to see the doctor again. She decided to give me an injection of Lupron. Which will put me into Peri menopause. It will make my Ovaries stop working. It has some nasty side effects but it will stop the Endomieotriosis from forming. This will last for a month. If I feel it is working and I am okay with it I will go back in a minth for another injection and these will last for 3 months. She will also give me just enough estrogen to help with the nasty side effects. This is the last resort. If this does not work I will have to have my ovaries removed and I will go into full menopause. I feel at this point I am way too young and there are way too many risks that go along. Not to mention I am not looking forward to what is going to go along with this shot let along having my ovaries removed. So I am praying this works. I guess the first few days are really hard. The dr. explained that while my ovaries are shutting down there is a lot of pain involved. Ughh not looking forward to that

Why I am so angry?

Tonight has been a really depressing night. Two of the little boys I have been following on that have Cancer have earned their wings. Well that is the polite way of saying it. But I am angry tonight so saying it bluntly they have died. Dante was 2 and had Neuroblastoma. He was put on Hospice last month but they were still giving him radiation because the tumor that had returned behind his eye and his parents wanted him to be able to see for Christmas.He died this morning just all of a sudden. It was so weird because we had just heard from his mom last night. Now we had known that he was retaining a lot of water and was not eating but did not know how sudden it was going to be. Then there is little Coleman. He was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma at the age of 2. Him and his twin brother just turned 5 last month. Things were going well for him until Nov. when something showed up on one of his scans. His mom is a saint. She has so many videos and pics of the boys. And they have done so much together. On 12/23 they did this Polar Express thing nearby their house and then on 12/24 things where fine and then all of a sudden Coleman's speech started slurring and he started drooling. They took him to the ER. After that they brought him back home and eventually on Christmas day he was airlifted to a hospital but made a recovery. But was sent home on Hospice. On New Years Eve He they could not get his pain under control and was sent to the Hospice house. He died at 10:45 last night. Once again it was sudden. I guess I am just angry because it was a kid. Does it have to do with my child? Somewhat. My child is not as serious as these two but her condition may at one point get serious. Never that serious but it will get serious. Plus we fell in love with these boys especially Coleman. Several families did. When you have a child that ill it happens. You come together and form a bond. When Nicole was at the Infusion clinic getting all of her infusions there were kids with all forms of Cancer and blood disorders getting all kinds of treatments. And as parents we stuck together and made sure we got breaks, or got a meal, and had small talk. We formed a family. And the worse part of all of this. I have not had the heart to tell Nicole. Nicole went to bed happy as can be. Her Make a Wish granter called tonight so that we could meet. How could I spoil that? She deserved to be happy for once. And how do I tell her? So I will close with a pic of Nicole I am sure many of you have seen this. It is a pic of when she spent her bday in her hospital. Just a reminder of what these kids go through everyday.