It has been awhile since I have posted something. Not sure why. The girls have been great. Been sticking close to home this summer. Just trying to pay off Nicole's medical bills. So mostly we have been going to the pool or the movies. Nicole has been doing great. The last doctor's appt. was fine. I hate taking her in to get her shot every two weeks though. She says it burns. She says it burns going in. She climbs right up there to get it done,takes a deep usually breath and usually some tears. After it is all over with she climbs back down and she is fine. We normally stop by the staff's favorite place Sweet Indulgence for some cookies to bring to them. But I was preoccupied today and forgot. See I have not been feeling well myself for the last three weeks.It started out the 1st week of July. I went in to Conv. Care for what I thought was a UTI. Turned out to be a pretty bad Kidney Infection. Was put on an antibiotic but was still having some pain after I was done taking it. My primary dr. is in maternity leave so I went in to see another dr. They had me give another urine sample which was negative and so she ordered an xray and ultrasound of my kidneys and pelvis. The same day when I got home the pain was so intense that I called to see if the results were in. They were but all were negative. The dr. told me to go into the ER. Which I did. There they ruled out almost everything possible. I was told that it was probably my Endomietriosis that had returned. Now ywo years ago I had a partial Hysterectomy to that. A year ago the dr. went in because I was having pain again but did not see anything. Anyways Iwas given a shot for the pain and was told to f/u with my Ob/Gyn dr. Could not get in with her but got in with a PA who was awful. She did a pelvic and said she did not find anything. She wanted me to get a GI consult. Well I was so emotional that I walked out in tears. When I calmed down I called the dr. that I originally had seen and she told me that she would like to see me again and made an appt with my actual Ob/Gyn dr. for 7/29. When I saw this dr. she ordered a CT scan of my pelvis and abdomen. I just got the results back this week and am devastated. They found some sort of mass on my ovaries and all of the symptoms that I am having are relative to Ovarian Cancer. After all that we have been through this year could this be? After losing my sister to Cancer almost 4 years ago could this be happening to me now? Is this a nightmare? I just want to pinch myself and wake up from this terrible dream. I called my Ob/Gyn nurse and explained the situation and the moved the appt up to tomorrow and I had some additional lab work that is supposed to also check for signs of this cancer. I am so on edge. Of course. I have not told my girls. Not sure I will even tell them for awhile. The day I came home from the hospital when my sister died my oldest hid from me. That was her buddy. And just waiting to hear what it going on. I know there is something there. I know I have to go through something. So what did I do today? Took my girls out and had a blast. We laughed and played. We had not had fun like that in so long. How's my husband doing? He is sicker than a dog. And my mom don't ask. After losing one daughter to Cancer what do you expect? My brother won't even talk about it. Even my sister's husband is taking it hard.But no matter what it is I am going to take it head on. Hopefully I will have the same strength my sister had.