Okay so I am really upset. My oldest has been going through a rough summer. A girl in our neighborhood has been harassing her for the last couple of weeks. Now this same girl used to make fun of my youngest and I put a stop to it. We first started having a problem with her when she would come over to our house telling Nicole that her mom and sister left her alone and she did not have anything to eat. So Nicole was sneaking into our house and bringing her food. Well I felt bad for the girl but if she was really left alone I did not want to be involved in any way so I put a stop tp all of this. So now she goes down to another girl's house just down the street from us. Well Nicole goes down there to play also. When the mom is not around this girl continues to pick on her until Nicole comes home crying. I finally called this mom and she tried to assure me that none of that was going on. So just yesterday Nicole gets this email from another girl that lives nearby saying that she can no longer talk to Nicole because this girl giving Nicole problems told her the real truth of what is going on. So anyways I finally got ahold of this mom and she first apologized but preceded to lecture me on why my girls should not be on the Internet. Some nerve. Nicole has an email address through gmail. Now it took me awhile to let her have it but I monitor her and this is the first time she has ever had a problem. And why lecture me when this lady's daughter was over at the other girl's house when this email was sent and had something to do with it? And these girls are only 9 and 10 and they are already starting to go through this? So what next? I have been told by both moms that they tend to let their kids try to work out their problems with their friends and that I was butting in too much. I tried to let them work it out but when my daughter is being harassed that is when I draw the line. What is wrong with parents these days? I am far from perfect and I am not saying my girls are perfect. I know Nicole can be mean sometimes. But if I ever found out that she was harassing anyone that would be it for her. When we moved into this neighborhood 11 years ago it was not too bad. Now I can't wait to get out of here. I know that my girls have to learn to deal with things. But come on. Now I know why kids are being treated for depression at an early age. In a way I do feel bad for this girl because I feel she has been abandoned in some way. But that is no reason for her actions outside of the home.So I know I am going on and thanks for anyone who is reading this for listening. I would like other parents thoughts on this. Am I wrong for thinking this way. And what is so wrong for being overprotective of my kids?

I am not even sure what to think at this point.A great amount of relief is what I feel at this point. So I go to the doctor today. The only one that I have seen for the last month that I can truly say that I trust. And as she is looking at theses reports from Radiology she is telling us that none of them make sense. She excuses herself and is gone for like 30 min. When she returns she explains to us that she went to Radiology herself to look at the films and go over them with a Radiologist. It turns out whoever read them was wrong. Not to mention the nurse who gave me the results I was told should have never told me what she did. I was told she gave me results that were never okay ed by the doctor not to mention she failed to tell me they also found a cyst on my leg and that I needed to follow up with that. Well I can handle that. Talk about a scare. So I can take a deep breath and go on with my life. I definitely will take this a learning experience in many ways that is for sure.

It is now after midnight and I cannot sleep. I just got back from the store about 30 min. ago. I get my groceries every two weeks and decided that after I got the gorls to bed that I would go ahead and do that tonight. So I take my time and when I get home both of my girls meet at the door. They bothh say that they cannot get to sleep. And my youngest has a sleeping disorder. Therfore she takes medicine for this and now usually has no problem going to sleep. Now when my kids were babies my mom would always say "Don't ever be nervous around them because they can feel it and will be nervous also." So now do you suppose they feel how nervous I am now? Can they feel something going on? So 30 min later they are slowing trying to creep back into bed but yet not asleep. And I myself am slowly getting tired. As I am sitting here I just remembered I forgot the one thing my husband asked me to get while I was at the store. I have been scatterd brain like that for the last few days. Including locking all of us out of the house. So now that I have gotten that out of my system and am starting to wear out I think I will retire for the night and pray for the best tomorrow.

It has been awhile since I have posted something. Not sure why. The girls have been great. Been sticking close to home this summer. Just trying to pay off Nicole's medical bills. So mostly we have been going to the pool or the movies. Nicole has been doing great. The last doctor's appt. was fine. I hate taking her in to get her shot every two weeks though. She says it burns. She says it burns going in. She climbs right up there to get it done,takes a deep usually breath and usually some tears. After it is all over with she climbs back down and she is fine. We normally stop by the staff's favorite place Sweet Indulgence for some cookies to bring to them. But I was preoccupied today and forgot. See I have not been feeling well myself for the last three weeks.It started out the 1st week of July. I went in to Conv. Care for what I thought was a UTI. Turned out to be a pretty bad Kidney Infection. Was put on an antibiotic but was still having some pain after I was done taking it. My primary dr. is in maternity leave so I went in to see another dr. They had me give another urine sample which was negative and so she ordered an xray and ultrasound of my kidneys and pelvis. The same day when I got home the pain was so intense that I called to see if the results were in. They were but all were negative. The dr. told me to go into the ER. Which I did. There they ruled out almost everything possible. I was told that it was probably my Endomietriosis that had returned. Now ywo years ago I had a partial Hysterectomy to that. A year ago the dr. went in because I was having pain again but did not see anything. Anyways Iwas given a shot for the pain and was told to f/u with my Ob/Gyn dr. Could not get in with her but got in with a PA who was awful. She did a pelvic and said she did not find anything. She wanted me to get a GI consult. Well I was so emotional that I walked out in tears. When I calmed down I called the dr. that I originally had seen and she told me that she would like to see me again and made an appt with my actual Ob/Gyn dr. for 7/29. When I saw this dr. she ordered a CT scan of my pelvis and abdomen. I just got the results back this week and am devastated. They found some sort of mass on my ovaries and all of the symptoms that I am having are relative to Ovarian Cancer. After all that we have been through this year could this be? After losing my sister to Cancer almost 4 years ago could this be happening to me now? Is this a nightmare? I just want to pinch myself and wake up from this terrible dream. I called my Ob/Gyn nurse and explained the situation and the moved the appt up to tomorrow and I had some additional lab work that is supposed to also check for signs of this cancer. I am so on edge. Of course. I have not told my girls. Not sure I will even tell them for awhile. The day I came home from the hospital when my sister died my oldest hid from me. That was her buddy. And just waiting to hear what it going on. I know there is something there. I know I have to go through something. So what did I do today? Took my girls out and had a blast. We laughed and played. We had not had fun like that in so long. How's my husband doing? He is sicker than a dog. And my mom don't ask. After losing one daughter to Cancer what do you expect? My brother won't even talk about it. Even my sister's husband is taking it hard.But no matter what it is I am going to take it head on. Hopefully I will have the same strength my sister had.